Chicks With Class Tasting Their Ass

Sunday, August 05, 2007

Tired of the Games


We are sick of the games. We want to be honest.

This letter was written as a group effort and everyone contributed. All opinions expressed are how we truly feel.

We believe that honesty is the best policy and we are tired of pretending and trying to tolerate things. We acknowledge that this letter will be tough to swallow. It was just as hard for us to write as this is for you to read; but we feel that we need to be honest.

Chalamar-

We are insulted that we are trying to be your friend and you are blatantly ignoring our attempts; there is no reciprocation of our efforts on your part. Your lack of maturity comes across to us as disrespectful.

To be more specific, here are a few examples of incidents that have led us to feeling that we need to write this letter. One example is when you want to attend events and are invited, then when you are there you do not participate physically or conversationally. Or, you leave an event without acknowledging the host. One instance that sticks out is you playing your DS at the wedding. That was very rude and disrespectful to not only Russ and Jenn, but also to the other guests.

Age doesn’t define maturity, actions do. We find it hard to give you the respect you believe you deserve. It’s easy not to respect someone who doesn’t respect themselves or those around them.

Charlie-

We know you are reading this and probably feel that we are attacking your fiancée and perhaps your judgment. But if you could see things through our eyes you would see something different.

You would see someone who constantly acts like a child and feels that she is ready to raise one. You would also see someone who is constantly making life-changing decisions at a moments notice without thinking of the consequences. Some examples are: The amount of dogs/pets you have gotten and the division of responsibility of care for these animals, the amount and frequency of job changes, and the most recent – the life altering decision of having a baby.

Charlie, you were quick to judge Russ and Jenn. Your judgment on the speed of their relationship is very hypocritical, look in the mirror.

Before you met Chalamar you had your life on a good path. You had good friends that love you, and good health that you worked hard to obtain. It hurts us to see that you’ve lost yourself in this relationship.

You may not believe a word we are saying or value any of our opinions. We may be completely and totally wrong in what we think, but this is how it is from the outside looking in. We all know that there will be consequences for this letter, but we ultimately feel that silence is worse than honesty.

26 Comments:

Blogger Stormy said...

I've only met you a few times and I couldn't agree more. Your obsession with the DS shows a total lack of interest in those around you. Specific examples I've personally witnessed include my brother's birthday dinner at Red Robin, my brother and Jenn's wedding, and the Canada day bbq at Steve and Lori's.

11:00 AM, August 05, 2007

 
Blogger dragonfly said...

Yes this letter was written by everyone, I agree with everything in it..

11:07 AM, August 05, 2007

 
Blogger Bee said...

I agree with and support any and all comments by those who collaborated with the creation of this letter.

11:31 AM, August 05, 2007

 
Blogger Assbeard said...

Charlie, we've known each other for over 15 years, so I hate to do this to you, but this letter really sums it up. I want nothing more than to be happy for you and like you girlfriend, but I just can't.

3:52 PM, August 05, 2007

 
Blogger kelvin said...

Hi, None of you know me and I doubt I'd care to ever meet you so feel free
to ignore this but Im a friend of Chalamars from highschool.

The first thing I want to get out of the way is the fact that I think you
are all : Naive, Ignorant, Ingenuous and Unsophisticated.

I chose all 4 of those words because they basically mean the same thing but
cover slightly different areas, I wanted to make sure I had all my bases
covered.

I will also apologize if I jump around .. its just my thought process, and I
dont care enough about you people whom I dont know to form a proper letter.


Now let me defend my attack.

Based on my limited understanding of these situations I will try to speak
specifically about the situations mentioned in this letter.

Lets start with the Wedding. You attacked Chalamar for sitting and playing a
DS, how many of you approached her and actually tried to have a conversation
beyond any artificial or superficial " hello how are you how was your day "
bull shit ? You all found it offensive that she did this but do any of you
take into consideration how hard it is to socialize in a situation like a
wedding if you dont know everyone on an overly personal level ? If someone
already feels secluded from the group they are going to feel that 10 times
more at a wedding !! INSTEAD of attacking her for not being social you
should have appreciated the fact that she showed up to show support. And how
hard would it be for you to go sit with her and start a conversation ?

Do not argue with me saying " she couldn't have already felt secluded " in
the letter you all stated you where upset with her prior and while you where
sitting back waiting for the problem she didnt see to go away you
subconsciously made it worse by not approaching the problem and fixing it in
a way that isn't a personal attack. They say people only learn one thing in
highschool and thats social skills.. well part of social skills is how not
to deal with a problem. So you call her personality immature... well I'm
comparing your intelligence to that of a highschool student ... EVEN WORSE
YOUR COLLECTIVE INTELIGENCE.

Its my opinion you never attempted to give her the respect she thinks she
deserves, and someone who is being brought into a group should not have to
earn respect they should have to defend it. She should have started with
the respect she deserves and from there let her defend keeping it.. its my
opinion you never gave her that chance.

I would also like to add that for some people who think silence is worse
then honesty you where silent far to long.


The last thing you all need to know is that an invite to a party is not and
can not be claimed as an attempt to include Chalamar into your group you
have to go beyond that and try to have a conversation with her. Some people
do lack some social skills that makes it more difficult for them to feel,
accept and include themselves in the conversations, but it doesnt take much
effort to bring them into it.

8:17 PM, August 05, 2007

 
Blogger Stormy said...

I have not known Chalamar as long as the rest of the group but I have seen enough with my own eyes to know that they have all tried repeatedly to included her in their network and make conversations with her. Even if she felt more secluded at the wedding there is no situation, ever, when playing video games at someone elses wedding is appropriate. As the best man at the wedding in question I feel personally disgusted. If she felt uncomfortable at any point she could've got up and left. I understand that you are Chalamar's friend and feel the need to defend her but obviously you are her friend because your experiences with her were more pleasent then ours.

9:18 PM, August 05, 2007

 
Blogger Bee said...

I agree with Stormy on the fact of how inappropriate it is for anyone (with the exception of perhaps a 6 year-old) to play a video game at a wedding. I personally would never defend anyone (friend or family) for whipping out a video game at a wedding. I don't know how anyone can justify that behaviour in any situation.

10:12 PM, August 05, 2007

 
Blogger Assbeard said...

Kelvin - whoever you are... you don't know dick all about our experiences, so fuck off and die.

Yes, that was me being mature.

Besides, aren't all chalamar's friends thieves and drug dealers? Or is that just old boyfriends?

12:42 AM, August 06, 2007

 
Blogger TastyCorn said...

What was the point of this?

1:58 AM, August 06, 2007

 
Blogger Bee said...

The whole point of this was to just be honest about how we feel. I honestly don't know why Chalamar is surprised about this as our actions and body language have been very negative towards her. Her actions towards us have been the same (ie. being inappropriate at events, not doing anything at all at events, and leaving without even saying anything to the host of an event).

Charlie, obviously you see some great things in her that we don't. We can't change what you like or who you love, that's a fact.

But do you also see the things we have mentioned? Are you not concerned about how often she switches jobs? Something like that could be part of something larger that troubles her that needs help. Do you not find it rude for her to whip out a video game at a wedding, a restaurant or your friends' houses? Do you not find it rude/annoying that she plainly refuses to participate in group activites.

Do you not SEE the point? We are concerned that you don't.

7:58 AM, August 06, 2007

 
Blogger Assbeard said...

The point is, Charles, that we don't want anyone to wonder why we never call you guys. It is because we are done. We are no longer in the business of having Chalamar poo-poo our partay.

I'm not saying you should dump her, cus that ain't my job. I'm just saying that It's probably best that if and when we hang out with you that you don't bring Chalamar around. It works ok for Amy and Liam...

9:30 AM, August 06, 2007

 
Blogger Russ-kun said...

The point of this is to let you know why you are never invited to anything anymore. By choosing to do nothing every time she is out Shalamar manages to create more of a scene than you are aware.

11:09 AM, August 06, 2007

 
Blogger kelvin said...

You know i think you all need to reconsider how much effort you believe you have put into trying to be her friend if you place any effort and still have negative thoughts to her no matter how hard you try she wont get the full effect from your efforts

To the fuck off and die comment.. thanks i appreciate your maturity

and no im not drug dealer or a thief neither profession interested me Besides i'm comfortable with my paychecks the size they are

Switching jobs is a common thing in life Maybe she just doesnt know what she wants to do .. EVERYONE gets that " hey maybe i dont wanna be here " and she acts on it.. who givces a fuck ..

and you know what id be doing the same thing at a wedding if i wasnt feeling included..

all those times you invited her into conversations ...
maybe she just didnt have a thing to say because she knew nothing about the topic or in one case specifically the conversation troubled her and she had to leave without saying by to avoid getting emotional ..

AND I STAND BY WHAT I SAID EARLIER AND THE ONE THING YOU ALL NEGLECTED TO ANSWER ME ON !!

WHY DIDNT YOU APROACH HER WHILE THESE PROBLEMS WHERE HAPPENING !!
people cannot fix problems in the pass tense if you aproached her and said hey this action is direspectfull can you please come sit with us ? i realize your arguments but if somone is acting like a child TREATING THEM like one is fucking retarded .. instead of showing her the problem and giving her the chance to fix it you sat back like a bunch of fucking parents and gossiped about it until it was this bad and then you gossiped some more and typed out this purdy little letter wich is the equivilent of calling a childs parent and saying " little susie hasnt been playing with the other kids at school for the last two months " you know what little susies mom says ? why the fuck didnt you call me when you noticed a problem

12:34 PM, August 06, 2007

 
Blogger dragonfly said...

Ok kelvin - so we are a bunch of idiots in your mind, that's fine. You are welcome to your opinion. As far as telling her to not play her games in a social enviroment, there are atleast two incidents that people did ask her to not play her game as it was rude( Canada day - we asked three times) and still she played. I am sorry but i find that rude that even when she was asked to stop she didn't.
And as for the wedding, It was my wedding and i thought it was extremely rude, however i knew that she no one there and ignored it. You may be interested to know that i actually had to stop about 6 of my older cousins from going over there and telling her to shut the fucking thing off because they were offended on my behalf..
We should not have to parent her, she should realize that it is not appropriate to do that. The video game is not the only issue here. There were many reasons behind the letter and everyone was just tired of it.
We know that we are all a few years older than here, but i am sorry my 9 year old brother has more maturity than her.

12:49 PM, August 06, 2007

 
Blogger Bee said...

I refuse to speak to someone who was never there in those situations. You, Kelvin, have no part in this. Why don't you let her speak for herself?

12:51 PM, August 06, 2007

 
Blogger Assbeard said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

1:23 PM, August 06, 2007

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love Charles, that makes it extremely hard for me that I can do nothing less than agree with this letter.
One thing first; Mr.Kelvin whom no one in this group knows or cares about, needs to understand that we didn't just wake up one day and decide to attack our friend, it was fucking hard to write this, and FUCKING HARDER TO HAVE TO FEEL IT. So if he has ever had a true friend in his life he would know that it's not easy to put into words how hard it is to watch them give up on themselves, and their friends that DO LOVE HIM. So you really should just stay out of this, your opinions matter to no one.

You heard Nick - 15 years, Charlie. And now you are deciding that the best decision you should make after reading this letter is to shut down the blog - practically the only connection we have with you anymore?
Don't you understand that this letter wasn't to attack or hurt Chalamar or you in anyway at all? The first paragraph states how hard it was to write... that's what's real.
I don't want you to be unhappy. I don't care about anything else. And I know you are probably ready to (or already have) throw in the towel on all the friendships that you took years to build, but just do me one favour - think hard before you do that, because it's lonely without real friends, and no one would waste the time writing this letter unless they really cared about you.

8:12 PM, August 06, 2007

 
Blogger Assbeard said...

Lori hit the nail on the head there, people

8:39 PM, August 06, 2007

 
Blogger dragonfly said...

I agree with Lori 100%, she really did get the main point.

9:03 PM, August 06, 2007

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just for the record, I agree with what Lori said and was also involved in the writing of the letter.

Charlie, I've been through this before. In fact your and my roles were reversed at the time. You and the rest of the group were at the same point we were trying to decide if you should let me know what's up and how you really felt. That is why I had to be a part of this because being approached by my friends forced me to take a step back and look at the bigger picture without the tunnel vision that relationships create. Quite honestly, it was one of the best things my friends have done for me and I wasn't about to deprive you of that luxury. I probably would've come to the same conclusion about the relationship on my own but it would've been too late.

I didn't take my participation in this lightly but I know that if I feel strongly about someone I need to tell them. Things will be different for a bit but just keep in mind, the path this takes is up to you. We're not going anywhere.

10:21 PM, August 06, 2007

 
Blogger TastyCorn said...

"it's lonely without real friends"
it has been for a long time

12:13 AM, August 07, 2007

 
Blogger Assbeard said...

Fuck, you just don't get it, do you? If we were not your friends, if we didn't genuinely care about you, do you think we'd be doing this? Do you think we'd waste our time trying to explain our position??? No!!! You know that I'm blunt, to the point, and won't fuck around with pointless crap. I would've just said "screw this shit" and you'd never hear from me again. But instead HERE I AM!

My dad once said a long time ago that women ruin friendships. I thought he was an old windbag that just didn't know how to keep friends close. But shit, I guess he was right, huh? No, I still don't think so. You see, I've had a couple friends who have had girlfriends that at one point made me want to toss them away. Instead something was said. Steve had bad jen, and then we had our little intervention and now the guy's like a brother to me. Last year, we had another post like this on the blog. Remember? We all made Jenn think we hated her. We didn't, of course. We were just concerned with the way our friend, one Russell J Bull, was being treated. Since that time things have changed a lot. Jenn's made a huge effort to change. Sure, there are times that she's a Grumpy McPoopypants. But the point is that she made an effort to make us her friends and not just her husband's friends, because she knew that it was important for Russ not to lose his friends.

Don't you see? Don't you get that we're not trying to kill a friendship here? We're trying to SAVE IT! I said before, I'm not telling you to split up with Chalamar. I just want you to know that these are the issues we've had. We don't want to deal with them anymore.

The fact that you can throw away 17 years over me not liking your girlfriend is pretty fucking lame. If you didn't like Deb when I first started dating her, I wouldn't dump her. But I wouldn't dump you either. In fact, her friends told HER that I was bad for her. She is still friends with them. And We're married now.

If you can honestly tell me that you don't think about the fun we've had together as friends, then I think you're not honestly telling me anything. Brown sweater guy. Grade 9 science. Graduation. Going downtown when you weren't allowed. Me coming to your place to crash when I wanted to kill(not literally) my step-dad. My wedding. Canim Lake. Our trip to Vegas (you drunkard). the 9 or 10 times I've moved.

Liam doesn't like me. I'm still good friends with Amy. I'm sure this isn't the only case where one person doesn't like their spouse's friend.

9:54 AM, August 07, 2007

 
Blogger TastyCorn said...

I never said anyone had to like Chalamar

10:31 AM, August 07, 2007

 
Blogger Assbeard said...

What the hell kind of response is that? Sure, you didn't use the words, but you show it in your actions. Closing posting on the blog, saying "'it's lonely without real friends' it has been for a long time" which implies you don't think of us as real friends, deleting your facebook account (although, you never used it so that could be unrelated).

By the way, would you stop blaming Jenn for ruining your relationship with Russ? He didn't want to hang out with you as much because Chalamar kept pissing him off.

10:44 AM, August 07, 2007

 
Blogger Assbeard said...

despite all this you're still welcome to join us at my birthday extravaganza next week

12:36 PM, August 07, 2007

 
Blogger TastyCorn said...

Bye

12:07 AM, August 08, 2007

 

Post a Comment

<< Home