"Bad Santas" Need Not Apply

I read an article in the Vancouver Sun yesterday about how the Ministry of Fun (I want to work at a place that is called Ministry of Fun....tee hee) in the United Kingdom is raising the standards of mall santas. Apparently the santas that are currently working are skinny drunks who are not up to today's trends. The MOF says that it frightens children to see so many different looking Santas and therefore the number of "santa grottos" seen in malls is on the decline as is the number of children wanting to see Santa.

So, the Santa Committee came up with some guidlines of how every Santa should look. I can't seem to remember them all, but here are the ones I do remember (I was going to photocopy it but thus forgot):

1) Beards must be 6 inches or 15cm long and kept tidy.
2) Since beards and hair are white, eyebrows and eyelashes!! must be white also.
3) Waists should be between 40-46 inches.
4) Breath should be fresh and not smell of alcohol.
5) Shoes should be black and shined. No sneakers.
6) Santas should be up to date (ie. memorize) on the Top 10 CD's and toys that children want.
7) Santa must always act friendly and never run or skip.
8) Suits must be clean and not tattered.

Personally, I've never encountered these type of problems when I visited Santa (except bad breath). My most famous and memorable trip to Santa's Grotto (why do they call it that in Britain?...Eww) was the one where I waited in line for close to an hour with my mom and sister, and then when we were 10-15 minutes away from seeing Santa I start screaming at the top of my lungs that I didn't want to see Santa. It made a great Santa photo. Santa in the background and me in front on the ground screaming and miserable.