Never coming back

I don't regret having ending things. I still feel it was the best choice to make myself happier. The one thing that bugs me is how it ended with Lori. A part of me thinks maybe if I had not been so mad and expressed myself better. Things could have been different. Even though she broke my heart, I do miss her very much.
I was surprised and confused that people thought I was pouting and would get over it. It took me some time to get how differently people saw the situation from how I did. Largely (I guess) because I never really explained my issues. I felt no need to as it wouldn't have help. I didn't want to list all the problems I had with the post and defend Shal because it would be insulting to her to even debate the ugly hatred that came out of people as a defend able view point. Anyway it had very little to do with the post. That was the straw that broke the camels back. It was smack upside the head to do what was long, long overdo.
I'm sitting in my office many months ago and think. "Do I want to go camping with people that I don't even know I want to be friends with anymore" I get up walk over to Shal and say. "We're not going camping" she wonders why and I tell her my thoughts. This was never a blanket feeling for everyone just more and more people as time went on. When I look back on things now I was hoping even before I met Shal that whoever I ended up dating would have friends I could be part of.
Most of time when I was still friends with the group. I was confused to why people thought and acted like they did. Nick said something like "Why didn't you make a bigger deal about you two getting engaged and only tell people by putting a pic of a box on the blog" He would question me not sharing our joy with the group when no one would even talk about us getting engaged till I was out of the room.
As much as I pulled the trigger to end things. I feel the group loaded the gun and put it on the table. It was so pathetic at the end friends of friends like Kim and Amy were showing far more interest in talking to us then anyone else. Even when it was just me it was almost imposable to even be part of a conversation. What a chicken shit was I to take that shit for so long and not tell you off back then. "I don't want to lose all my friends" I would say to Shal as some kind of moronic reason for not standing up for her. What I didn't get back then was I wasn't standing up for myself. I deserve better friends and if I can't have that I will have none. I felt so out of place, ignored, treaded like shit. That I would rather be alone then spend time with any of you. Well to be more fair it mostly directed at Nick and Russ. I feel some other people ended up in the middle of the ugliness that was inevitable.
As upsetting as it all was I came to understand that it was not losing friends that was upsetting they were long gone. It was realizing the fun times with the group of a few years ago were never coming back.

End

I'm closing down the beandip. I'll still let people comment for a few days.

Tired of the Games

We are sick of the games. We want to be honest.

This letter was written as a group effort and everyone contributed. All opinions expressed are how we truly feel.

We believe that honesty is the best policy and we are tired of pretending and trying to tolerate things. We acknowledge that this letter will be tough to swallow. It was just as hard for us to write as this is for you to read; but we feel that we need to be honest.

Chalamar-

We are insulted that we are trying to be your friend and you are blatantly ignoring our attempts; there is no reciprocation of our efforts on your part. Your lack of maturity comes across to us as disrespectful.

To be more specific, here are a few examples of incidents that have led us to feeling that we need to write this letter. One example is when you want to attend events and are invited, then when you are there you do not participate physically or conversationally. Or, you leave an event without acknowledging the host. One instance that sticks out is you playing your DS at the wedding. That was very rude and disrespectful to not only Russ and Jenn, but also to the other guests.

Age doesn’t define maturity, actions do. We find it hard to give you the respect you believe you deserve. It’s easy not to respect someone who doesn’t respect themselves or those around them.

Charlie-

We know you are reading this and probably feel that we are attacking your fiancée and perhaps your judgment. But if you could see things through our eyes you would see something different.

You would see someone who constantly acts like a child and feels that she is ready to raise one. You would also see someone who is constantly making life-changing decisions at a moments notice without thinking of the consequences. Some examples are: The amount of dogs/pets you have gotten and the division of responsibility of care for these animals, the amount and frequency of job changes, and the most recent – the life altering decision of having a baby.

Charlie, you were quick to judge Russ and Jenn. Your judgment on the speed of their relationship is very hypocritical, look in the mirror.

Before you met Chalamar you had your life on a good path. You had good friends that love you, and good health that you worked hard to obtain. It hurts us to see that you’ve lost yourself in this relationship.

You may not believe a word we are saying or value any of our opinions. We may be completely and totally wrong in what we think, but this is how it is from the outside looking in. We all know that there will be consequences for this letter, but we ultimately feel that silence is worse than honesty.

Camping Photos

I have posted a selection of Camping photos at my picasa web album. Clicky

Feeding the fish

More than meets the eye!!!

Rude Awakening of Optimus Prime

Catchiest Jingle Ever

There are days where this song is stuck in my head all day. And now it will never leave.

Camping Trip

So here is the low down on the camping trip for this weekend. We have called all the Public sites in the area and the concenses is that they are all booked except for a few first come first serve sites. So that we are able to get sites we are all going to be going up on Thursday night to arrange for sites for the weekend. We are not quite sure were we are going to end up so be prepared for a bit of driving to find available sites. Also Just in case anyone needs a reminder on what to bring for this weekend, each couple is responsible for there own tent and sleeping bags, chairs, cooking and eating tools, and coolers. We are all bring our own food to make it easier for everyone, all though we can get some snacks to share if we want... Oh and just a reminder to bring the correct boots for the hike as we don't want any blister incidents again this year. If anyone has small back packs you may want to bring those so we can put lunch in it for the hike on Saturday, That way one person is not carrying everyone's stuff... Post any Questions and i guess we will use this as a planning board. Any other ideas for camping i can take a look at the areas we are looking at. Let us know if anyone is unable to attend so we are not planning on more than there is....